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Covenant Marriage vs. Contract- Week 4


Although I’m not yet married, it was interesting for me to think about what It means to have a covenant marriage. There is a difference between a contract and a covenant, and Bruce C. Hafen, a former President at BYU Idaho goes into detail about what that means.

He quotes, “Three summers ago, I watched a new bride and groom, Tracy and Tom, emerge from a sacred temple. They laughed and held hands as family and friends gathered to take pictures. I saw happiness and promise in their faces as they greeted their reception guests, who celebrated publicly the creation of a new family. I wondered that night how long it would be until these two faced the opposition that tests every marriage. Only then would they discover whether their marriage was based on a contract or a covenant.

Another bride sighed blissfully on her wedding day, “Mom, I’m at the end of all my troubles!” “Yes,” replied her mother, “but at which end?” When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent.”

These examples that Elder Hafen explained make so much sense to me. While studying Marriage and Family Social Sciences, I have come to know why people divorce, and many of the times it is because things have gotten hard and there a “hole” in the relationship. Instead of mending it, it is much easier to “throw it out.”

Elder Hafen explains that marriage is a covenant and not just a contract that you can end after a certain amount of time.

As I look back, I would say that the most important lesson I learned while completing the Genogram is that families are forever. All of us inherit bits and pieces of our ancestors, and I cannot wait for the day when I can look my ancestors in the eye and tell them I’m thankful for all of the sacrifice and hard work they put forth into their families and marriages to keep their covenant intact.

I encourage you to review your marriage and ask yourself if you are treating it like a covenant or a contract.

Continue reading Elder Hafen’s talk as well! He does a great job at outlining the promises we’ve made.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1996/10/covenant-marriage?lang=eng

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