Although I’m not yet married, it was interesting for me to
think about what It means to have a covenant marriage. There is a difference
between a contract and a covenant, and Bruce C. Hafen, a former President at
BYU Idaho goes into detail about what that means.
He quotes, “Three summers ago, I watched a new bride and
groom, Tracy and Tom, emerge from a sacred temple. They laughed and held hands
as family and friends gathered to take pictures. I saw happiness and promise in
their faces as they greeted their reception guests, who celebrated publicly the
creation of a new family. I wondered that night how long it would be until
these two faced the opposition that tests every marriage. Only then would they
discover whether their marriage was based on a contract or
a covenant.
Another bride sighed blissfully on her wedding
day, “Mom, I’m at the end of all my troubles!” “Yes,” replied her mother, “but
at which end?” When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage
seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay
only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles
come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them
through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to
the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50
percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent.”
These examples that Elder Hafen explained make so much sense
to me. While studying Marriage and Family Social Sciences, I have come to know
why people divorce, and many of the times it is because things have gotten hard
and there a “hole” in the relationship. Instead of mending it, it is much
easier to “throw it out.”
Elder Hafen explains that marriage is a covenant and not
just a contract that you can end after a certain amount of time.
As I look back, I would say that the most important lesson I
learned while completing the Genogram is that families are forever. All of us
inherit bits and pieces of our ancestors, and I cannot wait for the day when I
can look my ancestors in the eye and tell them I’m thankful for all of the sacrifice
and hard work they put forth into their families and marriages to keep their
covenant intact.
I encourage you to review your marriage and ask yourself if
you are treating it like a covenant or a contract.
Continue reading Elder Hafen’s talk as well! He does a great
job at outlining the promises we’ve made.
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1996/10/covenant-marriage?lang=eng
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